SOCIAL MEDIA: Social Killer!

So there’s this feature on Instagram and basically where you can monitor how much time you spend on the app “actively” on a daily basis!

A user can even opt in for the platform to warn them when they are approaching a certain time frame. How cool is that right?

Now I know that I spend A LOT of time on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter because it’s apart of my job as a social influencer. However, I will admit to you guys that it’s eating away at my soul.

Some days I could be in the best mood, then I get onto a platform and see something discouraging and I have a mental shift!

When something has the ability to control your energy, then it’s “bad for business”.

So of course when I found out that IG had this feature I has to check it out, and it said that I spend a total of 2 hours and 31 minutes DAILY just on Instagram. That’s not including Twitter and Facebook!

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That’s over 14 hours per week, just on one site! OH MY GAH.

No wonder this thing has such power over my mental…..

And since posting the image above people all over have been asking me how they can check there insights as well.

Here are the steps:

  1. Click on the 3 lines in the top right corner on your IG home page

  2. Click on “Your Activity” from the drop down menu

  3. Your daily average time will be in the middle of the page


This was definitely a wake up call for me!

Someone really close just expressed to me that he thinks I should take a day from social media, just to focus on “living life” outside of it. And since it’s work, I’m always against it. However, he also brought up the point that I don’t spend “2 hours” per day with God….. which was a WOWZER because it’s true!

Social media is responsible for making “introverts” like myself WORSE, and it’s time for me to start living life a little more offline.

The "UNFILTERED" Truth About Guys Views On FILTERS....

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I was reading a recent article where there following question was posed?

How do you guys feel about girls who use snapchat filters in their selfies?

Almost immediately I dove into the article to check out responses, especially since I am the QUEEN of filters. So much so that my professional photographer hates it! If he takes a picture and I put a filter on it, he’ll ask me NOT to tag him in the photo on social media because he doesn’t like how the filter dilute the picture.

My response, “Dude it’s NEVER that serious.”

Anywho….. Check out what some other people had to say below:

“A lot of snapchat filters make people look “cute” by enlarging their eyes and rounding their faces.”

“I personally hate it because it is deceiving. You see one thing on social media, but they are totally different in person.”

“Generally I hate it. It almost creates a classic extraterrestrial shape to the face that just isn’t my kink.”

“If it’s on any kind of dating or meeting app/site/network I will pass over immediately if there’s more of those than there is of selfies that show what the actually look like.”

“It’s pretty obnoxious. Most who bother with filters, at least in my experience can’t be separated from their phone and/or are really basic, follow the trend types of people. So I’ve learned to stay [mostly] away.”

So as you can see, pretty standard responses! Most people hate filters because they create an illusion thats’s unrealistic.

After posting this picture recently I was asked, “Kierra why do you use filters, you’re naturally beautiful.”

I was completely honest with them as I will be with you guys…..

I use filters because of personal insecurities that I along with most of the world deal with. Everyone is insecure about something, and most of the time your insecurity isn’t even noticeable to the next person until you say something.

I love ONE filter in particular on snapchat because it slims my face and depending on the lighting…. it has the ability to erase every scar and blemish. And in an industry where you’re judged based off of EVERYTHING, you want to always look your best.

Do I believe that I’m a ugly human being? Hell No.

But I do believe that I have to change a few unhealthy habits in order to achieve the things that will make me feel 100% beautiful, and that’s the RAW truth.

XOXO,

KierraM

When Thoughts Become REAL-ity......

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In Monday’s post I gave HUGE thanks to Pastor Michael Todd for teaching me the difference between ‘vision’ and ‘sight’.

Remember I said that ‘sight’ is everything that you see while your eyes are open, and ‘vision’ is all that you see in detail with your eyes closed.

Which do you think is more powerful?!

Hopefully you all said “VISION.”


Well a few months ago God gave me this vision of elevation for my brand, one that I never thought would spark my interest. And everything was so clear…. the only thing that wasn’t clear was the path toward this God-driven thing.

[Disclaimer: I always like to forewarn readers/fans that I am a firm believer in God and will praise him until the end of time BOLDLY in all that I do, so if you’re not….. then you may want to leave this page because this content isn’t for you.]

If you’re still here then that means that you LUH God too!!!!!!!

So back to this vision……

I could see it so vividly but didn’t know how to achieve it. So during a recent Michael Todd sermon he stated that,

All God wants you to do is plant the seed. Once he sees that you have planted the see then he’ll reveal the plan to you piece by piece.

Subconsciously I began using the resources that I had to begin the plan to achieving my vision. Little did know, God viewed that as me planting the initial seed and I was on my way to the part one of the BIG REVEAL.


Literally two days after I began my plan I get an email from one of the world’s TOP film marketing agencies regarding an interview with NBC’s Senior Vice President of Talent Development & Diversity, Mrs. Karen Horne.

At the time I knew vaguely who she was, but not in totality!

During my research, I found out that Mrs. Horne was responsible for various networks talent development programs and even sold a show to HBO which garnered her millions AND 3 emmy’s.

How amazing right?

When I sat down at this round table with Mrs. Horne and three other outlets reps. [whom I’ve never met] it was so AMAZING!

The flow of the conversation was phenomenal, and our 30 minute chat went over to an allowed 45-50 minutes.

She answered EVERY question that I had about my vision without even knowing!!!

As we were sitting in the lobby, one of the journalist asked:

What brings her to town?

The rep. replied:

She’s just in town visiting and on a little work, so her team wanted her to do some press while here.

Many would just say, “Okay, that’s cool.” But not me…….

I looked up to the ceiling and silently thanked God for working in mysterious ways. Mrs. Horne wasn’t here on accident. God sent her to answer the questions that I’d been talking to him about with my eyes closed.

Mrs. Horne was confirmation that I’m on the right road doing the right thing!

And it was also confirmation that I need to lean on God because that’s where all of my help comes from!

God is really making this “thought/vision” a REAL-ity and by this time next year I’m claiming another level of success and GREATNESS.

XOXO,

KierraM

The Moment You Feel Like Giving Up......

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As you guys can imagine, there has been several times during my 4 year journey in entertainment that I felt the urge to GIVE UP, but it seems like every-time that becomes an option God steps in and shows me why I need to ‘stay in the game.’

The very moment that you could be contemplating ‘throwing in the towel’, your breakthrough could be right around the corner!

Now I know what your probably thinking, “Well Kierra, things only look up for a minute until I get back into the place of wanting to give up.”

I get it! I really do.

But if it was easy then EVERYONE would have it! Success isn’t easy, especially entrepreneurial success. In fact, it’ll never be easy! Everyday there will be a new mountain to climb in order to unlock the next level of success!

The key is to take a moment every day…. ‘close your eyes and see the vision.’

Just a few moments……

I learned from Pastor Michael Todd [Recalculation Series] that there is a difference between sight and vision! Sight is everything that we see when our eyes are open, while vision is the very thing that we can see so clearly and detailed when our eyes are closed.

The vision is the one thing that we CAN’T turn off no matter how much we try, yet don’t know how to achieve it.

Sometimes my vision is so scary that I want to forget that I saw it because it’s intimidating!

But dare I say that God wouldn’t have given you the vision if he thought you couldn’t achieve it!

Most say, when you feel like giving up remember WHY you started, or remember who you’re doing it for…..

Well what if those things have changed [as they do over time]?

In that case just close your eyes, take a deep breathe and see the vision….. See the details…. and then pray that God walks with you throughout the process surrounding you with the right people and tools needed to achieve what you envision.

Just don’t give up!

XOXO,

KierraM

Know When To Delegate! [Editorial Manager NEEDED!]

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Let’s start this post off by saying that GROWTH is not only inevitable, but it’s important!

I never thought that I’d say this, but I understand how writer Necole Kane felt when she decided to sell her popular blog site “necolebitchie.com”.

I’m a writer at heart! I love talking/writing all day about things that interest me. But what I’ve noticed during my 4 year journey is that, those topics that once sparked a response doesn’t have that same effect on me. And as a result, I can no longer write about it.

Still have no clue about what I’m talking about?

It’s okay! Not many know that my way into the entertainment industry was through a blog site www.kmwexclusive.com [yes, the site is still active]. However, I have to force myself to produce content that talks about the daily lives of celebrities who could care less about me and my struggles. And yes, this passion use to have me up for hours at a time…. but as time went on, so did I.

Not to say that writing isn’t my passion anymore, but writing about entertainment sure as hell isn’t. And it’s also something I’ve fought myself with over the past few months, especially since everyone’s been in my ear saying NOT to let it go.

So I began to ponder:

Kierra are you making the right decision? If all goes south you need something to fall back on and your blog has always been there to fall back on!

But……

Don’t force yourself to write about things that no longer interest you.

These are all things that I say to myself on a daily basis.

And I know what most of you guys are thinking?

Just hire a writer!

Easier said then done!

I’m a creative and I’m sensitive about my SHHHHHHH….

So anyone creating for me has to have a similar sound!

This entry is more of a call to action….

If you or someone you know has experience with content creation and would like to becoming the managing editor for an entertainment blog site, email me:

info@iamkierram.com

Please send writing samples and resume.

I love the site but I’d rather manage it from afar and have an editor take over the day to day tasks… one that’s passionate about it.

XOXO,

KierraM.

God Can't Bless Who You PRETEND To Be!

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I absolutely love Pastor Michael Todd and the Transformation Church! In fact, I love his message so much that I replay the sermons via Youtube over and over again [each time getting a newer understanding of the message]. But last week he started a series called, “The Pace Has Changed”, and he spoke about God recalculating/re-routing our journeys ‘in the middle’ according to where we are in life. And during those times, we have to be prepared/open for the ‘pace’ to change.

Not at your speed but God’s speed for your life.

[Click on the link to check out the video below, it’s definitely worth watching the entire sermon]

https://youtu.be/_q7pf4pbB6M

Since putting out the above video, there is a PART 2 which I strongly suggest viewing as well.

God can’t bless you if your being someone else. If your not being authentic!

The first part of ‘changing your pace’ is accepting where you truly are in life right now!

  • Are you financially struggling?

  • Do you need a man/woman to validate who you are?

  • Are there underlying insecurities that you struggle with on a daily basis?

One thing we have to learn is that ‘it’s OKAY to not be okay!’

God doesn’t care what stage of life your in because he’s the one with the power to get you where you need to be, but not if your living a lie.

After watching Michael Todd’s sermons I really began to re-evaluate life and what I’m working toward. And honestly, I’ve been living a lie! Living above my means……

Just because I’m in the entertainment industry doesn’t mean I’m balling out of control, and furthermore, doesn’t mean I’m making the money that I deserve. But based on my social you’d think the complete opposite.

Most will say,

Kierra your being too vulnerable!

No I’m being REAL.

I have more faith than fear that God will bless me in the middle of my mess, but I need him to know that I acknowledge the mess and I’m having a hard time getting out of it.

I’m not PRETENDING! God has the ability to take me where no man can! And I pray that when that times comes, I’m a good pace and will be able to sustain everything that comes along with the blessing.

XOXO,

KierraM

Being A Single Mother Is Not A Choice!

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In 2010, I’d graduated from Temple University and moved back home to Baltimore to be with my family and friends.

So as you can imagine, I was being extremely young & reckless until I found out that I was pregnant with my little princess! A moment that was both shocking and exciting at the same damn time.

Me, a mom? What in the hell?!

Ever heard the saying:

Most women’s maternal instincts kick in and you’ll automatically adapt.

It’s true!

Everything that once scared me, became so natural!

But what I wasn’t prepared for was me having to endure this journey alone!

I never intend to bash the father of my child, but on this blog it’s a must that I be completely honest with you guys.

At 23 years old, I wasn’t prepared for a child but I knew that she was my responsibility because I acted in a careless manner understanding the consequences of my actions.

My mother use to tell my siblings and I…..

A woman has no choice but to take care of a baby. She can’t just leave or run away when she doesn’t feel like tending to the child. Meanwhile a man has the ability to move on as if that part of him doesn’t exist. It’s unfair, but it’s reality.

And while we barely wanted to speak on the thought of having children, I completely understand where she’s coming from.

YOU NEVER REALLY KNOW A PERSON UNTIL THEY DON’T GET WHAT THEY WANT.

From the moment I decided to fully leave my daughters dad, I was on my own! Minor physical support and absolutely NO financial support. I didn’t choose to be a single mother!

Even after the break up, I assumed based on who I “thought” I knew, that he’d be there to support without me asking. Boy was I wrong!

There have been nights where I’ve literally sat in the center of my bed and cried out to God asking “why?” Why me? And as expected, when dawn hits I clean myself up, throw on makeup and smile as if the pain no longer exists.

That’s why I hate when people say,

You choose to be a single mother!

Where??????????????

Now I won’t generalize, there are some women who choose to exclude the father of the child. I’m not one of them.

Do you know the feeling of attending school events alone [especially at a Christian Academy] and having other parents look at you with condemnation. [Parents & Faculty]

Or how about when you can’t make it on a field trip or to a school event because you have to work yet you have no one else who can cover for you and your child comes home hurt because YOU weren’t there!!!!

It’s a hurting feeling and most certainly not one that I would voluntarily choose for my child.

And you can’t just talk to anyone about it because not everyone can relate and understand!

I love my child to death, and I’ll do anything in the WORLD to put a smile on her face….. somedays if I’m being honest, I just wish things were different. Just like a son needs their father for certain lessons in life, so does a daughter.

Millennials, its all fun and games until life gets REAL.

Take Note.

XOXO,

Kierra M

2 Months Left & 2018 Has Taught Me.....

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2018 has definitely flown by….. OH MY GAH.

There’s been so many things that’s happened in my life, so many lessons learned, etc…..

In 2018 God placed me in a lot of uncomfortable positions so that I can grow, and he also placed me in situations where I had no choice but to be humble and allow my faith to over power my fear.

The man upstairs really took me on a rollercoaster ride in 2018…..

Now, with only 2 months left I reflect on what life has taught me as I prepare for a prosperous 2019.

In 2018 I’ve Learned The Following Lessons….

  1. Never Get Comfortable.

    If you’re comfortable then you’re losing! In October of 2017 I went in to work for a meeting and my former boss told the entire staff that she decided to close down the radio station to focus on television. She had no care in the world about our future. In that moment I started pushing…. I put together events, covered red carpets, launched a blog site…. literally everything to keep me relevant within the music industry and to never allow anyone to see me sweating. I sat in Starbucks everyday from 7am until 3pm on days when there were no events… plotting, planning, preparing! This routine went on for 7 months [until May 2018] when my former program director invited to into another station to work. A position that I’m so grateful for, and will continue to put my best foot forward in all aspects.

  2. Be Grateful, Because Everything Can Be Gone In The Blink Of An Eye!

    Not to say that I’m un-grateful [because I realize how blessed I am] but sometimes we take the little things for granted and don’t realize it until they’re gone. Case in point: I was in a car accident this summer that could have stolen my life and the lives of two other drivers. However, my car was the only vehicle that was totaled. GONE. Can you imagine being in another city away from family? And, with no car…. yet you have to work everyday and attend events. I had no car for the entire summer! Uber/Lyft/Friends, etc……MONEY! God will take it away from you in order to humble your butt.

  3. No One Cares About Who You Are! It’s More Of What You Can Offer? Or How They Can Use You!

    Atlanta is an amazing place to live. I’ve grown tremendously in life and my career over the past year living here. But what I will say is that this city has brought out another side of me that I would have never tapped into if I’d stayed at home. Sort of a monster-like! I’ve been taken advantage of quite a few times sense moving here. People will want me apart of an event because their short or sponsorships and want me to donate, or no one else will cover, etc….. Then make you feel like shit while you’re there. It sucks but it’s taught me to treat certain people accordingly. Simple put: I GO TO WHAT I WANT! I go where i’m ‘celebrated’ and not ‘tolerated.’

  4. Pace Yourself And Wait On God’s Timing!

    You never know whose watching you and have been watching you! The very moment you decide to give up, may be the moment where things take a turn for the better in your life. I was so set on getting certain things done by a specific time and it wasn’t cleared with God first, so it was an automatic problem. God will sit you down and force you to wait and pace yourself just so that you can sustain what he’s building for you in the long run.

  5. It’s Okay To Take A Break And Enjoy Life!

    There’s so many entrepreneurs who are afraid to “break”. NOT ME! I traveled to Bermuda for my 30th birthday and it was the most liberating experience ever. No phones, just family and the ocean. I was able to clear my mind, rejuvenate, and just enjoy being normal for one week. So it’s okay to cut off and take a break, in fact, it’s necessary.

XOXO,

KierraM.

Life's FULL CIRCLE Moment!

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If your from Baltimore then you know Frank Ski…

Along with Dj Scottie B, Shawn Ceasar, Ms. Tony, Dj Reggie Reg, and many others….. Frank is one of the reasons why Baltimore club exists.

He recorded popular tracks like: “Whores In This House”, “Doo Doo Brown”, and so many more!

Growing up in Baltimore, I remember mornings when my parents would have his show on while we were driving to school. I remember idolizing this man, especially when he decided to move into another market and DOMINATE as well.

So I guess you guys can imagine my excitement when I got a ‘direct message’ from Frank last week asking me to call his cell phone directly.

OH MY GOD!

I literally almost hit the floor.

So I called him and he says:

Frank: Hey, Wanda’s on vacation so I want to bring you in as a co-host for the day next week.

Me: Okay, awesome! Just let me know what day and I’ll be there.

Frank: My producer Patricia will be in touch with you.

Did I mention that I almost hit the floor.

This can’t be happening! Frank Ski wants me…..

So I spoke to my boss as DASH Radio and he says:

Yea, I saw Frank at a fundraiser and I suggested that he pick you to co-host.

To have a boss that has enough confidence in himself and brand, and allow one of his employees to go to another station [mainstream platform] for the day is AMAZING to me.

So I go and co-host the show with Frank Ski + Ms. Sophia AND it was amazing!!!!!!!!

We had fun… we laughed…. we joked. It was sheer craziness!

As I left V-103, I began thinking to myself:

You never know how God will move in your life. So make sure to treat people with dignity and respect at all times. The world isn’t as big as we think it is.

No matter where life takes me, I’ll always remember this pivotal moment in 2018 when I was the guest host on “Frank And Wanda Morning Show”. This was God showing me that mainstream is ready for me!

XOXO,

Kierra.

On Days Like This I.......

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Ever wake up in the morning and question everything?!

  • Why am I going to this job?

  • Why can’t I find balance?

  • Why do I have this knot in my stomach?

  • Should I be worried about what’s going to happen today?

  • Am I truly living in my purpose?

These were just some of the many questions I asked myself on Tuesday morning as I arose and headed to work.

Up until that moment I was fine…. living in my purpose wasn’t considered “work” in my mind but this day everything was questionable. And I soon realized that the uncomfortable feeling was God’s way of forcing me to push myself harder.

If you follow me on Instagram, then you already knew that this entry was coming because I mentioned it during an IG story stating:

Sometimes in life we think we’re going harder than we really are! It’s not until God makes us feel super uncomfortable that we realize that we’re limiting ourselves because he places NO LIMITATIONS on us ever.

I wondered where this thought/emotion had come from….. I even loudly and boldly shouted up to the high heavens looking for an answer from God. Guess what?

NO RESPONSE.

Well at least not the one I was looking for…….

However things started to replay in my mind.

A few days prior to me waking up with this feeling I was apart of a paneled discussion with some pretty amazing people. From the moment I left the makeup chair I felt “unqualified”.

Yes you heard me correctly!

I kept talking to those negative thoughts!!!! Demanding that they leave me alone….. “The devil is a liar…. I condemn these thoughts. I am more than qualified. If God brought me too it then he’ll bring me through it.”

Until the thoughts began coming faster, the pressure harder, and I couldn’t hear God.

So I called the only person in the world who could talk me down…. my mom.

She said:

If God be for you, who can be against you.

I felt amazing after that! I felt like I could conquer the battle ahead of me.

Only that didn’t happen!

The introverted side of me [the one that no one really knows about] kicked in and completely took over before I even realized it.

Before I knew it, I was ALLOWING certain things to happen to me that just weren’t okay!

And as I think back on it now, that’s when God decided to make me uncomfortable in order to see if I was ready for the next level and I failed.

I allowed:

  • Someone to down-play everything I’ve worked so hard to accomplish and simply call me “sis”

  • My fear to over power my faith

  • Fear to over power articulation, hence why I didn’t touch as many people as I would’ve loved to

  • Insecurities to show

And I had no time to “beat myself” up over things because as soon as the event was over I had to resume life…. I had to keep going.

However this morning it all came back to me. Everything I’d been praying for, all that I’d dreamt of was in question. I began wondering if I was ready! I felt uncomfortable and I knew why……

God was trying to stretch me and I wasn’t bending!

What I realized is that God will give you what you ask for, but are you ready for it? And when you get it, will you be able to maintain it?

But remember that he’s not going to keep giving you the same opportunities, so preparation is key!

After Saturday’s turn of events and Tuesday’s recognition I vowed to stay prepared for whatever may come my way in all aspects of life. And to really challenge myself to stay on tasks and GET THINGS DONE so that I won’t feel that way again.

I may not ever be a public speaker…. but I can guarantee that my work will speak for itself so I’ll only have to say minimal and that’s a promise moving forward!

XOXO,

Kierra.

Le Struggle': Single Mom Dating Woes!

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I once heard this romantic love story and it goes….

A single mom and her mother were shopping in a store and she noticed this very handsome guy starring at her. So she already had a story in mind… “I’m going to tell him that I don’t have time.”

The man approached her and began to make small talk before asking her out on a date.

The single mom said, “Unfortunately I can’t go out on a date because I’m a single mom and have no one to watch my kids while I do so.”

Of course, she was hoping that this would scare the man away, however he responded:

“Well I guess I’ll just have to call my nanny to watch your kids as well.”

The rest is history!

What the woman didn’t know is that he was the head of a major television network!

Now their married and have even added more children to their blended family.

This is a true story!!!!

It never gets old to me. I can literally listen to them tell this story over and over again, because it gives me hope. Hope that dating could be this easy when it’s the right one.

Being a single mom [with either a boy or girl] and dating is a challenge. Especially if there’s been an extended period of time where it’s only been you and the child. Because if this is the case, it’ll be an extreme “adjustment” period for the child. One that could be very emotional.


I’m not an advocate of immediately introducing your child to the person that you are dating because I’ve seen so many situations go sour and negatively affect the child.

So I strongly believe that you must fully get to know the person before introducing him/her to that precious piece of your life.

A process that may take a few months! And one that you most certainly must be patient with!

Now I’ve recently begun seriously dating someone and just 3 months in, I’m already facing the following dating woes:

  1. Time: Single mothers don’t have the same amount of time as other women. On top of working [running brands like myself], we still have to make sure that every need of the child is met, along with making time to spend with the person that you’re dating. Do you know how hard this is when you haven’t introduced the person to your child? OMG. Then if you’re like me and have no “full time” sitter it becomes even more difficult to have something as simple as a date night. All of which will affect how you move forward within the relationship. TIME has definitely been the biggest complaint.

  2. Mommy Attachment: It’s only been my daughter and I for the past 4 years. No man, no split time…. nothing. So when she sees someone else receiving a portion of my attention its hard for her to accept. So when I’m on the phone for a quick “hello” call, I get asked 1,000 questions or she does something troublesome to get a reaction. If he buys me flowers or a card just because, she’ll make the biggest paper card and say something uber special. Crazy right?! I know.

  3. A Guarded Heart: As a single mom, I’ve realized that there are several layers of caution up. Definitely more than usual. Because I’m not only protecting myself, but my child’s heart as well. So it’s harder for me to let the person in because while I can handle the pain of letting go….. my child may not be able to. Especially if they grow a really good relationship. She may not understand. So sometimes I get labeled as being emotionless or cold.

    Fairytales do exist for single moms, it just takes a lot more work and effort from both parties. If those things don’t exist, then YOU [single mom] need to move on, because no one comes before your child. That’s the only love in this world that’s FOREVER.

    XOXO,

    Kierra.

STOP before you die!

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According to NBC News….

Heartbreak can be a devastating experience at any age… Unfortunately, in some people’s cases, a breakup or other traumatic emotional stressor can be enough to cause physical damage to the heart. A syndrome known as “takotsubo cardiomyopathy” [also known as: broken heart syndrome].

You guys may remember a singer by the name of Phyllis Hyman?

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On June 30, 1995: Phyllis Hyman committed suicide by overdosing on pentobarbital and secobarbital in the bedroom of her New York City apartment. She was found unconscious hours before she was scheduled to perform at the Apollo Theater, and died 3 hours after being taken to the hospital.

But she left a note, and it said:

I’m tired. I’m tired. Those of you that I love know who you are. May God bless you.”

For years Phyllis battled with depression as a result of weight gain, alcoholism, death in the family, and broken heartedness from men [which she was very vocal about in her lyrics].

Broken Heartedness is a REAL THING!


But what I didn’t know is that it weakens the heart so much so, that it KILLS! So I ask,

Is he/she worth your life?

To some, the answer would be yes.

To me, the answer will always be no.

You CONTROL how people treat you. You set your own boundaries and rules!


I have a friend who falls in love extremely fast! And because she falls in love fast without really knowing the person, the likelihood for relationship success is slim to none.

Subsequently, as fast/hard as she falls in love…. she falls even harder when she realizes that he isn’t the one. In fact, she goes into a deep depression and shuts herself off from the entire world.

I’ve watched her question her appearance, her character, her upbringing, her lack of parental guidance + so much more based on a man who simply wasn’t worthy.

One day a break up sent her into a panic attack!

So again, I pose the same question to her:

Is he/she worth your life?


Now I get it…. I’m not oblivious to being broken hearted. I’ve been there and went through the trials and tribulations of missing him for almost 2 years.

Now 4 years later, I’ve been able to make moves and accomplish things that I would’ve never done if we were together. NEVER.

And what I can also tell you is that each days brings new understanding, an un-jaded heart, courage, strength, and the boldness to keep going in spite of.

Losing him/her isn’t the end of the world, and it’s definitely not worth your LIFE.

XOXO,

Kierra.



"NO.... makeup doesn't define me, but it damn sure makes me feel good!"

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As if millennial dating isn’t hard enough, I’ve seem to run into an additional problem…..

MAKE-UP

Ughhhhh…..

Whose ready for a little #storytime …..

About 4 months ago, this actor [who will remain nameless] and I began chatting with one another over instant messenger. He thought I was attractive as did I……

One evening, I’d posted a video clip of myself without wearing makeup onto my IG story and not only did he repost the video to his page, but he also messaged me saying that the video was the best content on my page because I was natural.

Now y’all already know that I was READY to rip him to shreds! The attraction immediately began to fade away…..

Here’s how the exact conversation went [*actual DM’s] see below:

Male: You look so much better without makeup I swear!

Kierra: Honesty! Okayy. I like it.

Male: You do! Just being honest, you hide most of your beauty putting that stuff on. Look at your lips and skin! Like I would kiss tf outta you if I was near you in that video.

Kierra: Oh! I wear makeup for the same reason a man gets a hair cut. To look/feel good! But I understand where you’re coming from. Most men aren’t really fans!

Male: That’s not the same at all. “AT ALL” I don’t even know why you said that.

Kierra: What!!!! How?

Male: Point blank period, you hide your real beauty when you put it on because you don’t look the same with it on. We get haircuts, y’’all get y’all hair done. That’s the same comparison, what do you mean? And what made you start wearing makeup?

Kierra: It’s similar [male’s name] And it also depends on how much makeup a person wears. I’m good either way! Almost every woman in my family wears makeup. So I saw it almost everyday. However I didn’t truly start until college.

Still keeping my composure as you can see….. but my patience was wearing thin!

Male: Start a new trend to embrace real beauty again, 90% of black women wear makeup because their either followers or wear it because of their insecurities.

OH HELL TO THE NAW! Did this ninja just tell me:

  1. To start a new trend

  2. Generalize the reason why “BLACK” women decide to wear makeup.


Kierra: And I started because I use to suffer from acne. So instead of treating my skin [like I should have] I choose “instant gratification; which caused more issues down the line.

Male: ONCE AGAIN, makeup is “NOT” a comparison to guys getting a new haircut AT ALL. So stop saying that.

Last time I checked, I only said it once [side-eye]…. A little “high strung” ehhhhhh….

Male: Exactly, Insecurities.

Kierra: Okay, [male’s name] you may be right damnit.

Side-note: Those who know me understand that I will tell a person that their RIGHT as hell just so that they can shut up. I dislike confrontation! I’d rather walk away then waste time debating. I’m a “prove it” type of woman.

Male: Lemme bring home a woman with makeup and she take that shit off and show me something different, you’re getting tf out because I would have love to seen you before that makeup shit. Stop wearing masks out here and embrace your real beauty regardless of whatever is wrong with your skin. Y’all want a guy to accept y’all for who you are but I don’t even know what you really look like.

Kierra: You would really kick her out over makeup? Even if she had a beautiful heart/mind? Everyone comes with flaws, no ones perfect! But what I wouldn’t do is ask someone to stop doing something that makes them feel good because of my own feelings. Would I voice my opinion? Yes. Would it change my views and/or feelings for them? No. That’s just me. Compromise [male’s name]…. that’s what it’s all about.

STILL keeping my composure…. even though I wanted to cuss him TFFFFFFF out!!!!!

It was so important for me to share the EXACT conversation with you guys so that you could better understand some of the shit we as women face.

This conversation took place in May, 2018. As you can imagine this is where it ENDED, however we still remained social media friends.

At times, I’d like pictures of other females I knew and I’d see him liking the same pictures… even commenting under post. And guess what I noticed? Each woman wore makeup in the pictures.

So are you giving them the same bullshit spill? I’m just saying!

Fast forward to 4 months later, as I’m covering a red carpet the male happens to be one of the interviewees.

We kept it very professional and i interviewed him [wearing a face full of makeup proudly] …. and then I noticed his date. A “non-African American” woman with a minimal amount of makeup of course.

Now that shit BLEW ME!

Here’s the thing:

It’s okay to have a preference and “like what you like”, but don’t fucking attempt to come down on the african american woman because she’s not your type!

That’s where your wrong!

I have no problem with inter-racial relationships AT ALL….. but what you won’t do is discredit or undermine us because we choose to wear the same makeup that other races wear as well.

IJS….

I dislike an arrogant, pompous, big-headed, fast talking, “see me”, know it all…. ASS NINJA!

#ThatIsAll

XOXO,

Kierra.

I am NOT my hair!

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Kierra: “Alexa play India Arie, I am not my hair!”

Exactly two [2] weeks ago, I had this discussion with a male who said:

I like women who choose to wear their natural hair versus the weave/wigs. I just don’t understand why it’s needed.

As a lover of ALL things “weave & wig”, I was offended almost immediately!

But it wasn’t as a result of his personal preference, because everyone is entitled to their own opinion. However I was offended by the minimal amount of ignorance which resides within the blanket statement.

I responded to this man with the following:

See this is what grinds my gears sometimes! Instead of asking the woman why she decides to wear the weave and wig [in casual conversation of course], you automatically assume that she’s insecure and ashamed of what’s underneath the fake.

And while this may be the case for some, it’s not the case for ALL.

I then told him to ask me why I decide to wear weave and wigs all the time, which of course he did and I responded with the following:

I love wearing weaves and wigs because I have alopecia. Do you know what alopecia is? It’s an autoimmune disease where your immune system attacks your own body, in which case… causes sudden hair loss.

It’s different for everyone. Some people lose all of their hair while other lose hair in patches.

Alopecia can’t be cured, but it can be treated.

I have tension alopecia. So I experience hair loss on stress points, which are: my sides, the back of my hair, and the middle of my head…. in large amounts.

Yes I was offered alopecia shots, but I declined out of fear.

Would I love to wear my hair out? Yes.

Would I love to have braids installed? Hell Yes.

Would I love to just wake up and go? Of course.

But is it possible right now? NO.

Well yes, but I wouldn’t feel comfortable.

Paying HUNDREDS of dollars on hair every few months isn’t the most ideal situation for me, but it’s one that I have to do in order to not be judged in this industry and feel good about myself.

So yes, as I explained to this man, I get extremely defensive when people generalize or criticize women who wear weaves/ wigs [and even makeup] without truly knowing their story.

Actually it’s ANNOYING AS FUCK!

How about you get to know the person?! It’s a rhetorical question

Those who know me, understand that underneath all of the hair and makeup…. I have a heart of gold! I am a woman of God, a mother, sister, friend, business owner, and lover of LOVE.

The EXTRA doesn’t define me!


One of my best friends has alopecia and she is BEAUTIFUL! Instead of the wigs and weaves, she decided to embrace her beauty and wear a bald head. And those around her LOVE her bald head.

Now I don’t have total hair loss, but I’ve thought about shaving my head as a ‘freeing’ experience.


Moral of the story: Don’t be so quick to judge/assume. Ask the necessary questions for a better understanding. And furthermore, take the time out to get to know the PERSON under the hair.

Shameless Plug: Check out Sanaa Lathan in the Netflix original movie, “Nappily Ever After” [See the trailer below]

Don’t let the hair wear you, YOU wear the hair!








"Oh Darling, Go Buy A Personality!"

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It took me forever to understand why I didn’t fit in!

I’ve never been cliquey, and I couldn’t fit into prominent social circles where I thought I belonged.

At times I used to question God! I would say:

Lord, I have such a loving heart and wonderful personality. Why can’t people see it? Why don’t I fit in?

But I’ve figured it out!

I figured out that “basic” women rarely make history.

I’ve never been one to ‘follow waves’ or ‘go with the flow’ in hopes of gaining recognition or popularity. Instead, I’ve always been the woman who was never afraid to “build her own table” when she wasn’t allowed to sit at one.

And up until this point, I viewed the construction as a negative.

Why me? What have I done wrong? Is there something wrong with me?

I didn’t truly appreciate the essence of me, and for a second, I began to get wrapped up in societies “fake” reality.


I went from not giving a damn, to wanting to beat the “fake people” at their own games!

Soon that, “I’ll treat them accordingly” attitude arose within me.

For months I’d only speak to those who spoke to me, I’d only show support to those who supported me, I’d only lend a helping hand to those who had done so for me; until I realized that by doing these things…. I WASN’T BEING ME.

My true character and personality had no correlation with this person I was becoming. The me that would lend a helping hand regardless. The me that would support everyone regardless of their previous support of me. The me who would thrive off of speaking and smiling [regardless of my mood] because I felt that someone needed it.

ATLANTA was bringing out a different side of me that wasn’t the real ME.


Millennial entrepreneurs ask me all the time:

Kierra, how are you able to thrive in a new market? A market where its mainly about ‘who you know’ and ‘where you have access to?’

And I always respond the same way:

I don’t depend on people to open any doors for me, because I know and understand that God opens all doors that NO MAN has the power to shut. And I thrive in a market by simply being me! That’s how I stand out. There’s no secret remedy. I enjoy being me! Now sometimes it’s too much for people. Other times people are skeptical and don’t know how to take me. I’ve even been called an “opportunist” behind my back because I know what I want and I go after it at all costs. But if I allow what people say to affect my grind, passion, and end goal…. I’ll never make it. And those same people with so much to say, will be the ones calling/emailing/texting non-stop when you’ve made it to a position that’s beneficial to them.

So while their busy “conforming” and “selling their souls” for popularity, JUST BE YOU! I promise it’s so much easier.

The Art Of "PATIENCE"

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PATIENCE:

"The capacity to accept and tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset."


The gif above captures myself and 5 other amazing women within the entertainment industry!

On that very day, we were invited on the set of 'The Real' daytime talk show for what is known as "The Real Blogger Day"

This gif was captured by members of the daytime talk show exactly 2 years ago!

Whenever I'm asked about "my end goal" this is the only image that comes to mind. Why? Because the feeling that I felt when we walked on the set of this show was like no other. My heart fluttered, my mind temporarily out of order, my feet gliding across the floor..... Even if only for a moment, I knew where I belonged. I understood what I was working toward.

However, what I wasn't expecting was for this moment to shift my mindset in a harsh way.

Psychological tests prove that we're extremely hard on ourselves 40% of the time, so what if that number was raised to 60%

Now I know what most of you guys will say.....

"Kierra, it's not a bad thing to be hard on yourself. Sometimes the pressure is good."

Yeah, yeah, yeah.... I get it.

But not when it's causing you mental instability which eventually rolls over into BOTH your personal and professional lives. And especially not when you expect 'microwavable' success.

Initially, I thought hated the fact that other generations before us called millennials the "microwave" generation. But now I get it!

Prior to our generation there was no social media, no text messaging, not mumble rap. Instead, there was years of hard work, tenacity, dedication, and consistency; which led to a lifetime of appreciation. 

We can't appreciate something that was "given" to us, or happened so quick as a result of social media that we aren't prepared to maintain it. And after seeing this happen one too many times....

I Lost Patience!

I began to question God asking, how is it that I'm staying up half of the night working tirelessly to only make it this far? Why do people constantly treat me like an outsider? Why do I keep coming across the people who lack integrity? Why do I work so hard, but she pops on the scene and surpasses me? Why me God?

The questions went on and on and on......

Until I started facing tests in all areas of my life! Test that required me to pass this level before I could advance to the next.

Still don't understand what I'm talking about?!

I'd literally be stuck in traffic every single day, frustrated with my daughter for various reasons, lashing out at people around me for not getting it, unsuccessful in building relationships, etc..... 

God was testing my patience, and every time he'd do it.... I FAILED.

But in order to make it to what I know is my "end goal", I need to have LOTS of the thing that I lack.... PATIENCE. 

And the same goes for you!

If you're like me and seem very impatient about life on a daily basis, I'm here to tell you that what you "lack" is what's crippling you from going to the next level in life

Life's two most precious lessons always involve "timing" and "patience." 

XOXO,

Kierra M

 

 

"The Hook-Up Generation"

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Almost every two weeks I engage in a “no cut cards” text or telephone conversation with one of my best friends. I’ve found that it’s absolutely vital to my sanity! Nonetheless, during this call in particular we spoke about our present problems in dating and there relation to finding true love.

The fears of our 30’s, witnessing other friends get married, and repetition in dating failures have finally spooked us into assuming what’s apparent to most…… “WE’RE THE PROBLEM.”

In all areas of life, you get out of it what you pour in; and furthermore, only the “allowed” circumstances or behaviors will take place. All of which is completely true and was supported by factual evidence during our conversation, along with the undeniable fact that “hooking up” was ruining our chances of finding true love.

Many believe that one of the main reasons why millennials struggle in dating is because they are unclear of how to date. Instead, they engage in these “Netflix & Chill” situations which seem to be less about the movie and more about sex. Hence, why we’ve been crowned the “Hook-up Generation”.

At some point casual hookups became more beneficial than a relationship! Why? Because you get the sexual satisfaction without the mental hassle! Seems like a “win/win” situation right? No. Its a guarantee that with age and growth, you’ll start to yearn for more; more communication, more non-sexual intimacy, more loyalty, and more time.

All of which you’ll never receive by being a casual “hook-up”. In fact, you won’t even be respected. 

Still not sure if you’re apart of the “hook-up generation” we’re describing in this post? Okay, well let’s go into a little more detail.

Ask yourself the following questions?

 

  1. Do you struggle with time-management and feel consumed with commitments, so dating falls to the wayside. Yet you still yearn for sexual attention so you make sure to stay in contact with a “few” friends just in case?
  2. Do you find it more common to meet at a party and/or event rather than the traditional dinner or movie?
  3. Would you rather “instant gratification” by meeting someone on Tinder, eHarmony, Matchmaker, Black People Meet, or any other online dating platform; rather than organically?
  4. Do you love independence so much that the idea of having any commitment to another person makes you feel nervous?
  5. Are you bold enough to know what you want, ask for it, and not want anything in return?

If you answered YES to a majority of the above listed questions, then you are more than likely apart of the “hook-up generation” and that’s okay. But understand that it’s unrealistic to complain about why you aren’t finding true love, how others are surpassing you in their relationships, etc…. when you aren’t pouring the seeds of loyalty, commitment, honestly, etc…. in order to lay a strong foundation for growth.

It’s time for millennials to begin taking their love lives as seriously as everything else, put the cellular devices down, break poor dating habits, create/maintain standards, and realize that instant gratification will never lead to lifetime happiness.

"The Sacrificial Jump"

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It’s a dark & gloomy morning in north Atlanta as I awake to the sounds of birds chirping and cars pulling out of their driveways heading to work. I’d just spent the evening meeting with the media girls and discussing life, a conversation that I should’ve postponed considering my current head space.

Nonetheless the show must go on, and my 7 year old daughter still needs a mother. So I arose a little earlier than she, just to get myself together before the hustle and bustle. 

I’d hoped for a quiet morning enticed by coffee, but God had a different plan for me. A plan which included an extended shower spent starring at the wall & water, followed by an overload of lotion [because I’d failed to pay attention], and ending with me sobbing quietly. Why? Because it was in this moment that I’d realized my parachute wasn’t opening. 

Most reading this are probably saying, “huh, what is this girl talking about?” And I’ll explain.

One of my many virtual mentors, Steve Harvey, always talks about the actionable JUMP! The point where God [for faith believers] has lit a fire in your soul yearning for more out of life, but in order to get there you’ll have to JUMP. Enter the gates of unknown charted waters, yet swim through without hesitation and limited fear. Because why fear when you have faith?

However, Steve warned that the JUMP would be far from easy! And in most cases, your parachute wouldn’t open right away. Hence, you’ll fall, get bruised, and even cut; but you MUST get back up and jump again with the same expectation that “maybe this time my parachute will open.”

In 2016 I felt it. It was time for me to jump into unchartered waters. I’d built a very successful entertainment brand and reputation in the DMV, yet if I wanted to experience more I’d need to move. A place not too far from home, not too hollywood-ish, normal enough to raise my daughter, yet could be very profitable for my brand. So ATLANTA it is!

It wasn’t until July of 2017 that I’d felt comfortable enough to actually take the leap and jump, and I listened to Pastor Joel Osteen for most of the 8 hour drive from Maryland to Georgia hoping that at some point God would send me a “wake-up” call. Yet nothing came!

Talk about HELL….. the first few months were just that! My daughter cried almost every day because of her discomfort, I got wrapped up into a brand that was unprofessional and unorganized, found myself back at square one after leaving the brand, struggling to attend the ATL events because I couldn’t bare leaving my child with just anyone [and I didn’t want to place pressure on my cousin whose here], going from an OVERLOAD of content to NONE at all, and having people who once admired me began to question my work ethic. IT WAS BAD! 

So that morning as I cried out hoping God would somehow hear my voice and answer, I’d seemed to awaken my daughter without knowing. It wasn’t until I felt these little arms wrapped around me as I whimper, and heard her sweet voice utter, “Mom, everything will be okay”; that I’d mustered up the courage to do as Steve said and JUMP AGAIN. 

My daughter is God’s blessing to me. She’s the physical form of my angel, and I appreciate God speaking through her to me in one of my most darkest hours. I realized that the sacrifice won’t be easy, but God promised that it’ll be worth it.  

So jump, and once you succeed JUMP AGAIN. Do it until you feel like you’re truly living a purpose driven life!

Dear Diary, "A Letter To My Future Husband"

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Dear King,

I LOVE you already because I know that you were created specially for me from God. I love that you LOVE me and Saniyah. I love that you treat me like a queen and she like your princess. I love and admire your special love for the Lord. I love your honestly and loyalty. I adore how driven you are, how you have your own, and has financially freed our family. 

I love that my family loves you! I love the fact that every time I look at you I fall in love all over again. I love that when I walk away I can feel you looking at me in admiration. I love even more that when I look back, I catch you starring at me as if I'm the most beautiful woman in the world. 

I love the empire that we're building together! Baby I love you and I'll forever be here doing my part to make sure that we're forever good. 

I promise to forever be your queen. I promise to always love God first and you second. I promise to always be the foundation and balance for our family. I promise to never lose that spark that you alway talk about. 

You & Saniyah are my world!!!! At a time in my life when I was ready to give up on love and marriage, God brought you to me. You are my everything! You make me want to be a great woman everyday!

Thank you for always challenging me because you believe in me and my vision. Thank you for loving me for me, flaws and all, and for never giving up on me. I'll never give up on you!

Thank you for respecting me, never judging me or using me. Baby, I LOVE YOU!

I never thought I could feel love like this!

In a sermon by Pastor John Gray, he said that I'd kiss a few frogs... but I'm blessed because I only had to kiss one frog before meeting you. 

You inspired me when you swooped in and stole my heart totally unexpectedly, as I'm sure it was likewise.

Everything felt so natural. You immediately got my juices flowing and that void I felt in my heart was filled. With you, Saniyah, my family, career, and what we're building..... I'm proud to say that I'm not only blessed, but the happiest woman in the world.

Handsome, I love you with my heart and soul. You have no idea how much I thank God for the man that you are. 

You're everything that I've ever imagined. Sexy, smart, and a manly man! 

Proverbs 18:21 says that words have the capability of speaking life or death over you.... I'm speaking nothing but amazing-ness over us, what we're trying to build, etc.... 

Your families incredible! I thank them so much for loving Saniyah & I, and accepting us into their world. For meshing with my family and just for everything being so perfect.

I always said that I wanted a man who treated me as my father values and treats us and my mother....

God hit the nail hard with you. I love you! I love you! I love you.... forever and always! 

Hold on and don't let me go!

Love your Queen to be,

-XOXO

Dear Diary, "My Daughter Saved My Life!"

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Dear Diary,

Most people like to sit around and complain about the fact that they can't truly live life because of their children, and that couldn't be far from the truth!

We mustn't forget that these precious creatures are loaners to us on earth. They are children of the most high God who essentially sent them to us for fulfillment, and I learned this 7 years ago when my child was born. Saniyah saved my life without knowing!

I'd just graduated from Temple University, moved back to Baltimore to be with her dad, got an apartment, and began making some very stupid decisions. Decisions which could have left me dead, strung out on drugs, or just a completely different person. 

For 3 whole months of my life I was an exotic dancer. 

I lied to my family, friends, and anyone who'd be disappointed that I'd immediately decided to waste 4 years of schooling and a degree in a strip club for fast money. 

I knew my parents didn't raise me that way! I knew that once they found out they'd be highly disappointed! But I also knew that I couldn't quit because I had no other way to pay for my bills.

Yup! I'd fallen victim to falling in love with a grown ass BOY like most young girls, thinking that the "trap" and "rebellious" lifestyle was so glamourous. Not realizing that it would be the cause of me eventually losing everything, including myself.

Honestly speaking "self" had been long gone! It left during the "job interview"..... when I was asked to get naked and turn around slowly in a circle while 2 men examined my body to make sure that I fit the look they were going for. 

Two months into dancing my cover was blown! A family member was tipped off that I was working in the club. He eventually came to check it out for himself and revealed the news to my parents, who were not only disgusted but extremely devastated. 

Just two months after graduating from college and I was ready to throw it all away for what I thought was "love"?

Watching women have sex with customers in front of me, observing others snort coke lines, all while I was getting drunk just to hop on stage. I wanted out? But every-time it was brought up, the "grown boy" would make me feel bad and question how we would survive. 

I should've said: "GET A FUCKING JOB!"

By the 3rd month I was no longer talking to my parents, had no car, drinking every night, and felt alienated from the world. Then I grew really sick.......

I thought something was terribly wrong, only it was God saving my life. I WAS PREGNANT!

Every fear I could ever imagine ran through my mind.... How am I going to support my child? A mother shouldn't be working here! I need my mother! What am I to do?

And one night while lying across the couch, I felt a sense of relief. In that moment, I knew that everything was going to be okay. That God would make a way!

The next day, I quit the club! Not even knowing how I would afford next months rent, but I did it.

And God worked through my mother [who began speaking to me again after I revealed the news]. She called a close cousin who was able to get me a job working for a private defense attorney in downtown Baltimore [FULL TIME] using my bachelor's degree. 

I worked that job throughout my entire pregnancy, and 3 years after my daughter was born! 

From the moment I first laid eyes on her, I knew that I was blessed. God had decided to give me another chance at life to actually get it right. He was slowing me down on purpose, and I was determined to change.

Now she's 7 years old and literally follows everything I do; from blogging to youtube! My little writer is amazing, and it's truly she & I against the world. 

Thank you God for sending Saniyah to save my life. 

XOXO,

Kierra M