On Days Like This I.......

1539101554935.JPEG

Ever wake up in the morning and question everything?!

  • Why am I going to this job?

  • Why can’t I find balance?

  • Why do I have this knot in my stomach?

  • Should I be worried about what’s going to happen today?

  • Am I truly living in my purpose?

These were just some of the many questions I asked myself on Tuesday morning as I arose and headed to work.

Up until that moment I was fine…. living in my purpose wasn’t considered “work” in my mind but this day everything was questionable. And I soon realized that the uncomfortable feeling was God’s way of forcing me to push myself harder.

If you follow me on Instagram, then you already knew that this entry was coming because I mentioned it during an IG story stating:

Sometimes in life we think we’re going harder than we really are! It’s not until God makes us feel super uncomfortable that we realize that we’re limiting ourselves because he places NO LIMITATIONS on us ever.

I wondered where this thought/emotion had come from….. I even loudly and boldly shouted up to the high heavens looking for an answer from God. Guess what?

NO RESPONSE.

Well at least not the one I was looking for…….

However things started to replay in my mind.

A few days prior to me waking up with this feeling I was apart of a paneled discussion with some pretty amazing people. From the moment I left the makeup chair I felt “unqualified”.

Yes you heard me correctly!

I kept talking to those negative thoughts!!!! Demanding that they leave me alone….. “The devil is a liar…. I condemn these thoughts. I am more than qualified. If God brought me too it then he’ll bring me through it.”

Until the thoughts began coming faster, the pressure harder, and I couldn’t hear God.

So I called the only person in the world who could talk me down…. my mom.

She said:

If God be for you, who can be against you.

I felt amazing after that! I felt like I could conquer the battle ahead of me.

Only that didn’t happen!

The introverted side of me [the one that no one really knows about] kicked in and completely took over before I even realized it.

Before I knew it, I was ALLOWING certain things to happen to me that just weren’t okay!

And as I think back on it now, that’s when God decided to make me uncomfortable in order to see if I was ready for the next level and I failed.

I allowed:

  • Someone to down-play everything I’ve worked so hard to accomplish and simply call me “sis”

  • My fear to over power my faith

  • Fear to over power articulation, hence why I didn’t touch as many people as I would’ve loved to

  • Insecurities to show

And I had no time to “beat myself” up over things because as soon as the event was over I had to resume life…. I had to keep going.

However this morning it all came back to me. Everything I’d been praying for, all that I’d dreamt of was in question. I began wondering if I was ready! I felt uncomfortable and I knew why……

God was trying to stretch me and I wasn’t bending!

What I realized is that God will give you what you ask for, but are you ready for it? And when you get it, will you be able to maintain it?

But remember that he’s not going to keep giving you the same opportunities, so preparation is key!

After Saturday’s turn of events and Tuesday’s recognition I vowed to stay prepared for whatever may come my way in all aspects of life. And to really challenge myself to stay on tasks and GET THINGS DONE so that I won’t feel that way again.

I may not ever be a public speaker…. but I can guarantee that my work will speak for itself so I’ll only have to say minimal and that’s a promise moving forward!

XOXO,

Kierra.