Dear Diary, "A Letter To My Future Husband"

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Dear King,

I LOVE you already because I know that you were created specially for me from God. I love that you LOVE me and Saniyah. I love that you treat me like a queen and she like your princess. I love and admire your special love for the Lord. I love your honestly and loyalty. I adore how driven you are, how you have your own, and has financially freed our family. 

I love that my family loves you! I love the fact that every time I look at you I fall in love all over again. I love that when I walk away I can feel you looking at me in admiration. I love even more that when I look back, I catch you starring at me as if I'm the most beautiful woman in the world. 

I love the empire that we're building together! Baby I love you and I'll forever be here doing my part to make sure that we're forever good. 

I promise to forever be your queen. I promise to always love God first and you second. I promise to always be the foundation and balance for our family. I promise to never lose that spark that you alway talk about. 

You & Saniyah are my world!!!! At a time in my life when I was ready to give up on love and marriage, God brought you to me. You are my everything! You make me want to be a great woman everyday!

Thank you for always challenging me because you believe in me and my vision. Thank you for loving me for me, flaws and all, and for never giving up on me. I'll never give up on you!

Thank you for respecting me, never judging me or using me. Baby, I LOVE YOU!

I never thought I could feel love like this!

In a sermon by Pastor John Gray, he said that I'd kiss a few frogs... but I'm blessed because I only had to kiss one frog before meeting you. 

You inspired me when you swooped in and stole my heart totally unexpectedly, as I'm sure it was likewise.

Everything felt so natural. You immediately got my juices flowing and that void I felt in my heart was filled. With you, Saniyah, my family, career, and what we're building..... I'm proud to say that I'm not only blessed, but the happiest woman in the world.

Handsome, I love you with my heart and soul. You have no idea how much I thank God for the man that you are. 

You're everything that I've ever imagined. Sexy, smart, and a manly man! 

Proverbs 18:21 says that words have the capability of speaking life or death over you.... I'm speaking nothing but amazing-ness over us, what we're trying to build, etc.... 

Your families incredible! I thank them so much for loving Saniyah & I, and accepting us into their world. For meshing with my family and just for everything being so perfect.

I always said that I wanted a man who treated me as my father values and treats us and my mother....

God hit the nail hard with you. I love you! I love you! I love you.... forever and always! 

Hold on and don't let me go!

Love your Queen to be,

-XOXO

Dear Diary, "My Daughter Saved My Life!"

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Dear Diary,

Most people like to sit around and complain about the fact that they can't truly live life because of their children, and that couldn't be far from the truth!

We mustn't forget that these precious creatures are loaners to us on earth. They are children of the most high God who essentially sent them to us for fulfillment, and I learned this 7 years ago when my child was born. Saniyah saved my life without knowing!

I'd just graduated from Temple University, moved back to Baltimore to be with her dad, got an apartment, and began making some very stupid decisions. Decisions which could have left me dead, strung out on drugs, or just a completely different person. 

For 3 whole months of my life I was an exotic dancer. 

I lied to my family, friends, and anyone who'd be disappointed that I'd immediately decided to waste 4 years of schooling and a degree in a strip club for fast money. 

I knew my parents didn't raise me that way! I knew that once they found out they'd be highly disappointed! But I also knew that I couldn't quit because I had no other way to pay for my bills.

Yup! I'd fallen victim to falling in love with a grown ass BOY like most young girls, thinking that the "trap" and "rebellious" lifestyle was so glamourous. Not realizing that it would be the cause of me eventually losing everything, including myself.

Honestly speaking "self" had been long gone! It left during the "job interview"..... when I was asked to get naked and turn around slowly in a circle while 2 men examined my body to make sure that I fit the look they were going for. 

Two months into dancing my cover was blown! A family member was tipped off that I was working in the club. He eventually came to check it out for himself and revealed the news to my parents, who were not only disgusted but extremely devastated. 

Just two months after graduating from college and I was ready to throw it all away for what I thought was "love"?

Watching women have sex with customers in front of me, observing others snort coke lines, all while I was getting drunk just to hop on stage. I wanted out? But every-time it was brought up, the "grown boy" would make me feel bad and question how we would survive. 

I should've said: "GET A FUCKING JOB!"

By the 3rd month I was no longer talking to my parents, had no car, drinking every night, and felt alienated from the world. Then I grew really sick.......

I thought something was terribly wrong, only it was God saving my life. I WAS PREGNANT!

Every fear I could ever imagine ran through my mind.... How am I going to support my child? A mother shouldn't be working here! I need my mother! What am I to do?

And one night while lying across the couch, I felt a sense of relief. In that moment, I knew that everything was going to be okay. That God would make a way!

The next day, I quit the club! Not even knowing how I would afford next months rent, but I did it.

And God worked through my mother [who began speaking to me again after I revealed the news]. She called a close cousin who was able to get me a job working for a private defense attorney in downtown Baltimore [FULL TIME] using my bachelor's degree. 

I worked that job throughout my entire pregnancy, and 3 years after my daughter was born! 

From the moment I first laid eyes on her, I knew that I was blessed. God had decided to give me another chance at life to actually get it right. He was slowing me down on purpose, and I was determined to change.

Now she's 7 years old and literally follows everything I do; from blogging to youtube! My little writer is amazing, and it's truly she & I against the world. 

Thank you God for sending Saniyah to save my life. 

XOXO,

Kierra M

 

"Text-iquette"

Texting: Performed by ALL, mastered by NONE!

Texting and I have this love/hate relationship! I love the timely access it allows me to have, but I despise how this form of communication is often times taken out of context the most. 

Something as small as a "period" could signify ANGER, FRUSTRATION, etc.....

It's insane.

So I've complied a list of the TOP 5 "texting" rules to improve your 'text-etiquette'. 

No #1

If someone texts you, DO NOT call in response. Why? Because it’s annoying! Maybe you were texted because they were busy or simply didn’t want to talk on the phone. This is why you get ignored and then mad. “Well she just texted, but now can’t pick up the phone”...... Nobody told you to call.

No #2

Always Respond. No matter how time delayed the response is, always respond; Unless you don’t want to be bothered by them anymore. Even in that case, you should respond saying that! Yes we are all busy people but if you really care, a text takes less than a minute.

No #3

The Too Quick Rule

I have to stress this one, especially to millennial daters! No it’s not a competition or game..... But if it takes someone 2 days to respond to your text, it makes you seem really desperate to quickly respond once they FINALLY get around to you. Am I saying wait 2 days? No. But not the second they respond. It’s like you’ve been waiting on the text…. even though you probably were.

No #4

The Letter Rule

When you write a heartfelt message, or something sincere and a person responds with a letter like “k”….. oh it’s done! Or ok. Oh that means thats truly all they have to say about the matter. 

Hang it up!

It’s that simple.

No #5

And lastly, Don’t text in all caps. It makes it seem like you angry, especially if you’re trying to get a response from the person.

Is Chivalry Really Dead?

Someone recently asked me if I thought that all forms of 'chilvary' were dead, and the answer is:

NOOOOOOOO!

[Side-note: I know that a lot of women will completely overlook my next statement]

Chivalry is NOT dead! However as women we’ve stopped expecting it.

We stopped expecting a guy to open the door, walk on the correct side of the pavement, push in our chairs, etc..... And because we stopped expecting it, they stopped doing it! 

My take of life is that you have to TEACH people how to treat you, otherwise they'll treat you how they see fit and you'll be displeased and often times disrespected. 

But I can almost guarantee that once you share with someone you're interested in, that you adore flowers, you appreciate when a man opens the door, you enjoy alone times, etc.... they'll begin to do it because they know it brings you happiness. 

This is the process of teaching someone how to treat you!

You must remember that not everyone was raised with the same morals and beliefs! Not every man had a father in the household as a role model to show him how to treat his queen, and that's okay. YOU show him! He'll eventually get the hang of it. 


When I had this conversation with a good friend he said, "I love showering my woman, but I'll stop if I see that she's not making any effort to make sure I'm happy as well."

And I'd rarely paid attention to 'chivalry' from a males perspective!

Women it's vital that you pay an equal amount of attention to your man, especially if he's always putting a smile on your face.

So NO, chivalry is not dead. It just needs to be activated!

Teach people how to treat you! 

Why Always Thinking That There Is Someone Better Is A 'Paralyzed Thought'

To be paralyzed is to be "incapacitated" and/or "powerless"......

So as you can probably imagine, when I spoke about this same thought in front of a room full of people it was NOT received well.

Some men shouted, 

Never settle! You should always strive for more.

While very few women added,

This makes no sense! With growth and maturity comes newer goals and visions.

While I agree with those thoughts about 30%, the other 70% of me is pretty STRONG in what I know!


The notion for what I know is quite simple......

If you go into any situation [whether dating and/or relationship] second guessing how things will work out; or not really into it..... then what do you think will happen? It's going to crash and burn!

You guys have no idea how many times I hear someone say, 'he's cute and that's cool, but this other guy is cuter and has a good job.'

So why not just go and date the other 'cute' guy with the better job if that's the case? Why get into a 'sit-uationship' with this guy knowing that your not really interested, and ultimately NOT giving him a fair enough shot.

But what I've come to realize is that most people can't help but to always strive for more! It's second nature, which in turn is paralyzing their thought process and their ability to make the right decision to solely live in the moment.

It's FUCKED UP!

And what needs to happens is a bit of serious "R-N-R" with the brain. You must literally began to re-train your mentality!

Will it happen over-night? 

NO

Will it be easy?

NO

But will it be worth it?

Absolutely

How do you know that the "cute" guy with the mediocre job isn't Mr. Right? And you'll never know as long as you possess a paralyzed thought and not give him a fair chance.

#JustSayin

 

Why Am I Not Dating?

Are you guilty of always questioning why you're not dating? Yup, that was once me as well.

I just didn't get it! I hadn't been in a relationship for a while, I was over my ex, my career was moving in a progressive direction, I was clear on what I wanted, I'm fine as hell, etc..... Yet the only guys to ever ask me on a date were the ones that I wasn't attracted to! What in the fuckkkkkk.... is what I started to think.

Then one day, instead of asking myself 'why aren't you dating?' I asked an even better question:

Are you DATABLE???

Now I know that most of you are probably saying..... "Well Kierra if I'm ready to start dating, of course I see myself as being datable!"

But I need you all to look at that last question again, and dig a little deeper!

Are you truly in a "datable" position at this stage in your life?

Still don't know, let me help you by giving you the TOP 5 reasons I believe most women are still single:

No. 1: DEFENSES

Life happened to you! You may have been hurt in several past relationships, and instead of dealing with the issues you suppress that pain; which in return causes you to build these defenses and/or "walls" of anger, bitterness, lack of trust, etc...... 

So you aren't successful at dating because you always resist being too vulnerable for fear of letting your defenses down and being hurt again. 

But in order to date, you must deal with those defenses or it'll never work out.

No. 2: YOU'RE TO DAMN PICKY

Before you guys jump down my throat, let me explain.

Yes, there is a such thing as being too damn picky. You must remember that every 'unique' situation is NOT you settling, it's just an "out of the box" experience. 

And as a result of past relationships we start to pinpoint someones weaknesses before giving them a fair shot because they "exhibited a certain behavior", "look a certain way", etc..... When in fact, that person could be the one to ultimately make you extremely happy. 

No. 3: FEAR OF COMPETITION

Ever heard the saying, "A little competition is good for the soul!" It's also extremely healthy in your dating life.

A fear of competition will lead to us being afraid to put ourselves out there!

You'll see that he has other interest and automatically get turned off and not up for the challenge, or you'll back away for a fear of looking like a complete fool; which is prevalent in most older singles.

But the reality is that dating is scary as hell! Going on dates with new people is scary as hell! But with each experience, I guarantee that you'll grow wiser and secure enough for what's to come.

No. 4: ISOLATION

This tip literally drives me crazy!

So when someone says to me, "I'm not sure why I'm not dating" my first response is.... "Are you datable?" After thats established I ask, "What's your daily routine?" 

Most of the time I've realized that people aren't dating because they've isolated themselves from the world!

You can't expect Mr. Right to come knock on your door! You need to go out, mingle, get dressed up, meet friends, attend social events and actually BE SOCIAL.

Being active on social media is NOT being social!

No. 5: RULES

Over time, based on past relationships and experiences we often develop a rule book! 

But what we fail to realize is that "sticking to the rules" instead of "being open" will ultimately block us from dating and ultimately finding the right one. 

Am I telling you to axe the rule book? No! That's like me saying to get rid of your standards. 

But what I am saying is that you need to be flexible with that rule book because you'll never get 100% of what you're seeking and vice versa! 

You don't want to miss out on a really good man because you're too busy being stubborn!

Why The "Who Can Care-Less" Competition Is Bull-shit!

Let's just start off by saying that,

Dating As A Single Millennial Is Screwed Up!

Seriously speaking, I've heard [and been apart of] some of the most screwed up situations while dating as a single millennial! Not even factoring in the geographical areas. 

Since beginning this journey 4 years ago, one thing has been insanely consistent is that, "for some odd reason single millennial women feel like if they don't settle, they'll end up lonely forever." Hence why they're so many confused/unhealthy situationships filled with lies, unrealistic expectations, and games.

Yes, whether you want to hear it or not we've ALL been apart of the bull-shit games!

Games like:

  • If I play hard to get, he'll want to chase me more

  • I have to wait at least 20 minutes before responding to his text so I won't seem desperate

  • He has to take me on an "x" amount of dates before we kiss

  • And my favorite [off all the crap] Never seem too engaged! 

I could literally go on for days at the amount of [quite frankly, fuckery] that occurs when dating a single millennial!

We go through extreme lengths to make it seem like we're not interested when we really are!

We believe that if we show our emotions the other party may get alarmed and run for the hills. Why? Because insanely, emotions are now considered a sign of weakness, and who wants to be considered weak? [even if our future happiness is on the line.....]

What a crack of BULL!

Let's just have a moment of transparency and say.....

  • If you just be yourself the attraction/connection will be present and I guarantee you he'll chase!

  • If you respond to his text immediately, he'll know that you're indeed interested and he won't be confused about where you stand. [Communication is key!]

  • Whoever made up the rule that you can't kiss on the first date should be slapped. Everything is not a test! Go with the flow of the moment... you think to damn much!

  • Engagement shows him that the future is bright! Don't be surprised if you keep acting disengaged and he connects to someone else. Now what, Sherlock?!

For real!

We need to start shifting our mindset in dating back to:

WHO CAN CARE MORE?

Maybe the divorce rate will lower and they'll be way more happier homes.

I'm just saying.....

XOXO,

-Kierra M.

 

Why Are We "Ghosting" As Opposed To "Communicating"....

Hypothetical Scenario:

There's something about a man in a suit. It just screams, "I'm about my business and don't have the energy nor time for stragglers. So if you're ready to be treated like a REAL woman, then come my way."

Or, maybe that's just me!

Either way, while attending a networking event in midtown Atlanta I saw Mr. Giorgio Armani from across the room. [Not Literally] His fake smile told me that he was disinterested in the event and needed to be cheered up.... so I rose to the occasion!

Within minutes we were both laughing so hard that our stomachs were beginning to ache. Nonetheless, there was an obvious connection worth exploring so we exchanged numbers and promised to meet up for our first official date at the upcoming music festival.

Not a day went by that we didn't text! All day, all night! It was never ending. 

Long story short.....

We're at the festival and this guy is a ball of nerves! You would think that we were meeting for the first time. And not only was he a ball of nerves, but he was also extremely clumsy. I tried to chuck it up to nerves, until he spilled his soda on my dress. 

"Like dude, forreal."

Suddenly, like speedy gonzalez:

I had a need for speed!

I was ready to speed my butt out of there!

When the date was over he texted and talked about how he had the best time of his life and how he couldn't wait to meet up again; meanwhile I was still trying to decide if I wanted to text him back.

"I didn't"

Instead, I blocked his number and deleted him as my friend on social media! He's probably stalking me from a fake page trying to figure out what happened.


As crazy as this story sounds, it's all TRUTH!

I've seen so many people "ghost" because it's an easier way to end a situation or relationship. But what happened to calling, texting, or even "letters."

I was famous for writing a 3 page letter to express my feelings if I couldn't get through any other way. So much so, that my ex was tired of the letters! I think he stopped reading them.....

Nonetheless, why not communicate how you feel? What's the worst that can happen? 

If you want one of the following:

  • A stalker

  • A social basher

  • A bitter-battle

Then keep ghosting, because that's what will come of things!

Otherwise, [millennials] the same energy we use in the boardrooms articulating our entrepreneurial ideas should be extended to dating as well.

XOXO, 

Kierra M 

 

Dating While Practicing 'Abstinence' Or 'Celibacy'....

I'd only been knowing this man for a few months, and up until now our only connection was shared via text messages. Yet I found myself almost 2 hours away from home, shacked up in a hotel room for the weekend with someone who could barely keep an erection. 

"What a waste of a perfectly good penis?" I thought as I stared into the pitch black dark after round 2 ended within 3 minutes. 

"What the fuck are you doing?" 

It was during this moment that I realized that if I wanted a long lasting friendship/relationship I needed to move differently. I had to stop myself from getting into situations as such that led to NOTHING but a added number onto my body count. 

I was jumping off of the emotional rollercoaster that I'd been on since 2014 which led to years of self-inflicted pain. Simply put: "Enough was enough!"

So as you can imagine, the drive back home was one filled with many thoughts and less music! I was certain that I had no more interest in having sex with partners that didn't value me, my body, or my mind. There was so much more to me! But getting to know the REAL me had stopped being a requirement. I'd become intrigued with "testing" out the package before investing in the company. All because I was once #HurtBAE....

Are you guilty of this as well?

Guilty of being so infatuated with instant gratification that you're willing to compromise who you are, what you stand for, and your future happiness; just to say that you got "some", or temporarily filled a lonely place in your bed!

Yup that was me, and this was THE END!

The next few steps were crucial to my future and quite frankly sanity! I had to:

  1. Allow myself to really grieve and heal

  2. DETOX-ify my body

Until this point whenever I thought about celibacy I thought NO SEX until marriage, and while I wanted to preserve myself; I also believe in realistic expectations.

Quite frankly, NO SEX until marriage was not an option for me then.... and I feel the same way 1 year later!

However, after much research I began to learn about the 'practice of abstinence' and felt like this was a better journey for me. I placed NO TIME limit on when I'd have sex again, only that it wouldn't be until I'd been dating, built a foundation/relationship, and felt 100% sure that it was time. 

Now, over a year later I find myself actively dating but unsuccessful partly because unlike other women I'm not willing to "give it up." 

Sometimes it feels like i'm wearing a scarlet letter! 

Abstinence: the fact or practice of restraining oneself from indulging in something.
Celibacy: abstention from sexual intercourse; abstention by vow from marriage

Ironically, some of my conversations didn't even lead to a date following the disclosure! So after much thought, I quickly realized that when dating while practicing abstinence or celibacy I had to do the following:

  1. Hold off as long as possible with the disclosure [don't ask, don't tell policy]

  2. Focus on genuinely building a relationship [i.e. allow him to get to know me and vice versa]

  3. When "disclosure time" comes, explain the difference and why you've chosen your path [don't go too deep]

  4. And finally, if he leaves, "Let It Go!" It's not personal, he just wasn't the one willing to invest in you! [Which in that case, should be a relief.]

Even-though it's not easy, it feels good knowing that I understand my worth and I'm done settling for anything less than. 

And truthfully, this new mindset has completely changed my dating experiences so forth.

XOXO,

Kierra M