Most people like to sit around and complain about the fact that they can't truly live life because of their children, and that couldn't be far from the truth!
We mustn't forget that these precious creatures are loaners to us on earth. They are children of the most high God who essentially sent them to us for fulfillment, and I learned this 7 years ago when my child was born. Saniyah saved my life without knowing!
I'd just graduated from Temple University, moved back to Baltimore to be with her dad, got an apartment, and began making some very stupid decisions. Decisions which could have left me dead, strung out on drugs, or just a completely different person.
For 3 whole months of my life I was an exotic dancer.
I lied to my family, friends, and anyone who'd be disappointed that I'd immediately decided to waste 4 years of schooling and a degree in a strip club for fast money.
I knew my parents didn't raise me that way! I knew that once they found out they'd be highly disappointed! But I also knew that I couldn't quit because I had no other way to pay for my bills.
Yup! I'd fallen victim to falling in love with a grown ass BOY like most young girls, thinking that the "trap" and "rebellious" lifestyle was so glamourous. Not realizing that it would be the cause of me eventually losing everything, including myself.
Honestly speaking "self" had been long gone! It left during the "job interview"..... when I was asked to get naked and turn around slowly in a circle while 2 men examined my body to make sure that I fit the look they were going for.
Two months into dancing my cover was blown! A family member was tipped off that I was working in the club. He eventually came to check it out for himself and revealed the news to my parents, who were not only disgusted but extremely devastated.
Just two months after graduating from college and I was ready to throw it all away for what I thought was "love"?
Watching women have sex with customers in front of me, observing others snort coke lines, all while I was getting drunk just to hop on stage. I wanted out? But every-time it was brought up, the "grown boy" would make me feel bad and question how we would survive.
I should've said: "GET A FUCKING JOB!"
By the 3rd month I was no longer talking to my parents, had no car, drinking every night, and felt alienated from the world. Then I grew really sick.......
I thought something was terribly wrong, only it was God saving my life. I WAS PREGNANT!
Every fear I could ever imagine ran through my mind.... How am I going to support my child? A mother shouldn't be working here! I need my mother! What am I to do?
And one night while lying across the couch, I felt a sense of relief. In that moment, I knew that everything was going to be okay. That God would make a way!
The next day, I quit the club! Not even knowing how I would afford next months rent, but I did it.
And God worked through my mother [who began speaking to me again after I revealed the news]. She called a close cousin who was able to get me a job working for a private defense attorney in downtown Baltimore [FULL TIME] using my bachelor's degree.
I worked that job throughout my entire pregnancy, and 3 years after my daughter was born!
From the moment I first laid eyes on her, I knew that I was blessed. God had decided to give me another chance at life to actually get it right. He was slowing me down on purpose, and I was determined to change.
Now she's 7 years old and literally follows everything I do; from blogging to youtube! My little writer is amazing, and it's truly she & I against the world.
Thank you God for sending Saniyah to save my life.