The irony……….. with less than 30 days until the new year, I get bombarded with life’s many realizations?
Initially, like everyone else, I said to myself:
Oh, it’s just the pressures of a new year! Nothing too serious.
Until it became SERIOUS!
Last week, my best friend called me in a somber mood [which is rare for her] telling me that the ex of one of our closest friends had been tragically murdered in broad daylight on West Oak Lane in Philadelphia, PA.
I was at an immediate lost for words and began crying as I watched the news clip over and over!
My heart ached for my friend, but more importantly my heart ached for his two young sons that were now left behind [fatherless].
My mind immediately began racing…. how was I going to send her a bouquet of roses, etc… since I’m all the way in Atlanta?
Forgetting that I’d already planned to head to Philly this same weekend for our other friends 30th birthday party!
To make a LONG story very short, his death weighed heavily on my heart!
Am I truly LIVING life versus merely existing?
It all came to mind during my travels to the “City of Brotherly Love” which ironically showed NO LOVE at all.
I’ve had so many “first’s” in Philadelphia, because it was the first time that I was out on my own with little to no rules and regulations over my life. So of course I mad lots of good and bad decisions!
However, being in a completely different space in life, and 8 years later……. I thought things would be different.
I quickly found myself falling into older habits that weren’t a reflection of the mother, businesswoman, and over all woman that I’d become since leaving the city which led to madness!
Because of the difference in my space, I couldn’t accept the fact that several of my friends weren’t in that same place….. I did what I tell everyone not to do!
I allowed my emotions to get the best of me, the wine to take over my tongue, and I LASHED out!
In that moment I was unimpressed, angry, and quite frankly NOT feeling the environment. But why? My life had changed….. not everyone else’s! How could I be angry/upset? [A realization that I came to AFTER using very disgusting words with my friends]
So as you all can imagine, my plane ride home was very different from the one coming!
Instead of a “somber” feeling…. I not only reflected on Randy losing his life, but how I wanted to continue with mine. Understanding that I’m in a very different space in life, and if I want to make it to the next level [where I know God is taking me] I’ll have to make the necessary behavioral changes.
It’s okay to live life….. but when you’re in a different space, you gotta move different!
Growing to newer levels require outgrowing the past and what you “USE” to be!
There are certain behaviors and situations that can no longer exist!
And what I’ve come to understand is that some will accept it, while others won’t.