Le Struggle': Single Mom Dating Woes!
I once heard this romantic love story and it goes….
A single mom and her mother were shopping in a store and she noticed this very handsome guy starring at her. So she already had a story in mind… “I’m going to tell him that I don’t have time.”
The man approached her and began to make small talk before asking her out on a date.
The single mom said, “Unfortunately I can’t go out on a date because I’m a single mom and have no one to watch my kids while I do so.”
Of course, she was hoping that this would scare the man away, however he responded:
“Well I guess I’ll just have to call my nanny to watch your kids as well.”
The rest is history!
What the woman didn’t know is that he was the head of a major television network!
Now their married and have even added more children to their blended family.
This is a true story!!!!
It never gets old to me. I can literally listen to them tell this story over and over again, because it gives me hope. Hope that dating could be this easy when it’s the right one.
Being a single mom [with either a boy or girl] and dating is a challenge. Especially if there’s been an extended period of time where it’s only been you and the child. Because if this is the case, it’ll be an extreme “adjustment” period for the child. One that could be very emotional.
I’m not an advocate of immediately introducing your child to the person that you are dating because I’ve seen so many situations go sour and negatively affect the child.
So I strongly believe that you must fully get to know the person before introducing him/her to that precious piece of your life.
A process that may take a few months! And one that you most certainly must be patient with!
Now I’ve recently begun seriously dating someone and just 3 months in, I’m already facing the following dating woes:
Time: Single mothers don’t have the same amount of time as other women. On top of working [running brands like myself], we still have to make sure that every need of the child is met, along with making time to spend with the person that you’re dating. Do you know how hard this is when you haven’t introduced the person to your child? OMG. Then if you’re like me and have no “full time” sitter it becomes even more difficult to have something as simple as a date night. All of which will affect how you move forward within the relationship. TIME has definitely been the biggest complaint.
Mommy Attachment: It’s only been my daughter and I for the past 4 years. No man, no split time…. nothing. So when she sees someone else receiving a portion of my attention its hard for her to accept. So when I’m on the phone for a quick “hello” call, I get asked 1,000 questions or she does something troublesome to get a reaction. If he buys me flowers or a card just because, she’ll make the biggest paper card and say something uber special. Crazy right?! I know.
A Guarded Heart: As a single mom, I’ve realized that there are several layers of caution up. Definitely more than usual. Because I’m not only protecting myself, but my child’s heart as well. So it’s harder for me to let the person in because while I can handle the pain of letting go….. my child may not be able to. Especially if they grow a really good relationship. She may not understand. So sometimes I get labeled as being emotionless or cold.
Fairytales do exist for single moms, it just takes a lot more work and effort from both parties. If those things don’t exist, then YOU [single mom] need to move on, because no one comes before your child. That’s the only love in this world that’s FOREVER.
XOXO,
Kierra.