In 2010, I’d graduated from Temple University and moved back home to Baltimore to be with my family and friends.
So as you can imagine, I was being extremely young & reckless until I found out that I was pregnant with my little princess! A moment that was both shocking and exciting at the same damn time.
Me, a mom? What in the hell?!
Ever heard the saying:
Most women’s maternal instincts kick in and you’ll automatically adapt.
Everything that once scared me, became so natural!
But what I wasn’t prepared for was me having to endure this journey alone!
I never intend to bash the father of my child, but on this blog it’s a must that I be completely honest with you guys.
At 23 years old, I wasn’t prepared for a child but I knew that she was my responsibility because I acted in a careless manner understanding the consequences of my actions.
My mother use to tell my siblings and I…..
A woman has no choice but to take care of a baby. She can’t just leave or run away when she doesn’t feel like tending to the child. Meanwhile a man has the ability to move on as if that part of him doesn’t exist. It’s unfair, but it’s reality.
And while we barely wanted to speak on the thought of having children, I completely understand where she’s coming from.
YOU NEVER REALLY KNOW A PERSON UNTIL THEY DON’T GET WHAT THEY WANT.
From the moment I decided to fully leave my daughters dad, I was on my own! Minor physical support and absolutely NO financial support. I didn’t choose to be a single mother!
Even after the break up, I assumed based on who I “thought” I knew, that he’d be there to support without me asking. Boy was I wrong!
There have been nights where I’ve literally sat in the center of my bed and cried out to God asking “why?” Why me? And as expected, when dawn hits I clean myself up, throw on makeup and smile as if the pain no longer exists.
That’s why I hate when people say,
You choose to be a single mother!
Now I won’t generalize, there are some women who choose to exclude the father of the child. I’m not one of them.
Do you know the feeling of attending school events alone [especially at a Christian Academy] and having other parents look at you with condemnation. [Parents & Faculty]
Or how about when you can’t make it on a field trip or to a school event because you have to work yet you have no one else who can cover for you and your child comes home hurt because YOU weren’t there!!!!
It’s a hurting feeling and most certainly not one that I would voluntarily choose for my child.
And you can’t just talk to anyone about it because not everyone can relate and understand!
I love my child to death, and I’ll do anything in the WORLD to put a smile on her face….. somedays if I’m being honest, I just wish things were different. Just like a son needs their father for certain lessons in life, so does a daughter.
Millennials, its all fun and games until life gets REAL.