Are you guilty of always questioning why you're not dating? Yup, that was once me as well.
I just didn't get it! I hadn't been in a relationship for a while, I was over my ex, my career was moving in a progressive direction, I was clear on what I wanted, I'm fine as hell, etc..... Yet the only guys to ever ask me on a date were the ones that I wasn't attracted to! What in the fuckkkkkk.... is what I started to think.
Then one day, instead of asking myself 'why aren't you dating?' I asked an even better question:
Are you DATABLE???
Now I know that most of you are probably saying..... "Well Kierra if I'm ready to start dating, of course I see myself as being datable!"
But I need you all to look at that last question again, and dig a little deeper!
Are you truly in a "datable" position at this stage in your life?
Still don't know, let me help you by giving you the TOP 5 reasons I believe most women are still single:
No. 1: DEFENSES
Life happened to you! You may have been hurt in several past relationships, and instead of dealing with the issues you suppress that pain; which in return causes you to build these defenses and/or "walls" of anger, bitterness, lack of trust, etc......
So you aren't successful at dating because you always resist being too vulnerable for fear of letting your defenses down and being hurt again.
But in order to date, you must deal with those defenses or it'll never work out.
No. 2: YOU'RE TO DAMN PICKY
Before you guys jump down my throat, let me explain.
Yes, there is a such thing as being too damn picky. You must remember that every 'unique' situation is NOT you settling, it's just an "out of the box" experience.
And as a result of past relationships we start to pinpoint someones weaknesses before giving them a fair shot because they "exhibited a certain behavior", "look a certain way", etc..... When in fact, that person could be the one to ultimately make you extremely happy.
No. 3: FEAR OF COMPETITION
Ever heard the saying, "A little competition is good for the soul!" It's also extremely healthy in your dating life.
A fear of competition will lead to us being afraid to put ourselves out there!
You'll see that he has other interest and automatically get turned off and not up for the challenge, or you'll back away for a fear of looking like a complete fool; which is prevalent in most older singles.
But the reality is that dating is scary as hell! Going on dates with new people is scary as hell! But with each experience, I guarantee that you'll grow wiser and secure enough for what's to come.
No. 4: ISOLATION
This tip literally drives me crazy!
So when someone says to me, "I'm not sure why I'm not dating" my first response is.... "Are you datable?" After thats established I ask, "What's your daily routine?"
Most of the time I've realized that people aren't dating because they've isolated themselves from the world!
You can't expect Mr. Right to come knock on your door! You need to go out, mingle, get dressed up, meet friends, attend social events and actually BE SOCIAL.
Being active on social media is NOT being social!
No. 5: RULES
Over time, based on past relationships and experiences we often develop a rule book!
But what we fail to realize is that "sticking to the rules" instead of "being open" will ultimately block us from dating and ultimately finding the right one.
Am I telling you to axe the rule book? No! That's like me saying to get rid of your standards.
But what I am saying is that you need to be flexible with that rule book because you'll never get 100% of what you're seeking and vice versa!
You don't want to miss out on a really good man because you're too busy being stubborn!
